


a mix of chaos and art

by marvelousbones



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Light Angst, Post-Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelousbones/pseuds/marvelousbones
Summary: The blonde just had to let herself hope that the emotion she saw a flicker in Lena's eyes was what she thought it was. And if it was, then Kara would be waiting, always.ORKara looks back on her relationship with Lena and wonders what she can do to fix it.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105





	a mix of chaos and art

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I keep writing songfics but whenever I hear a song that screams SUPERCORP I have to write about it lol. The title and lyrics are from a song called [Outnumbered](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh3P4gE45L4) by Dermot Kennedy. I'm pretty sure it was a finale of the show Marvel's Runaways. (Another excellent show with GOOD w|w representation! (Deanoru!) Also a nonbinary character! (Xavin!) Go give it watch! (It's on Hulu and Disney+. 
> 
> That last episode was phew... um..let me just say that I have many thoughts. We're just gonna pretend the Kara/William thing never happened/happens...
> 
> As always, the italicized and centered words are from the song. (I didn't include all the repetition of the refrain). Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy it.

_Don't tell me this is all for nothing_  
_I can only tell you one thing_  
_On the nights you feel outnumbered_  
_Baby, I'll be out there somewhere_

Kara was still shaken up from losing everyone that she loved. Again. Kara pretended that everything was okay on the outside, but on the inside, she was suffering. Her heart ached. It hurt because Kara had thought she lost Lena. When the world was reborn thanks to Oliver, Kara had to make their relationship right again. She looked for Lena but didn't find her until one day she managed the catch the youngest Luthor in her office. Kara was filled with real hope for the first time in months. Only for it to be shattered once she found out that Lex had restored Lena's memories and that Lena was still mad at her. Kara held back the tears and left Lena with a whisper of "please be careful."

_I see everything you can be_  
_I see the beauty that you can't see_  
_On the nights you feel outnumbered_  
_Baby, I'll be out there somewhere_

Kara took off from the balcony quickly, so Lena didn't see the tears fall down her cheeks. Kara wiped them away as a determined look crossed her features. Fairly early on in their relationship, Kara promised Lena she would always protect her and that a promise she wasn't going to break. Earth-38, Earth Prime, any Earth or universe, Kara would **always** be there for Lena.

_I could have showed you all the scars at the start_  
_But that was always the most difficult part_  
_See, I'm in love with how your soul's a mix of chaos and art_  
_And how you never try to keep 'em apart_

As Kara flew, she chastised herself for not telling Lena sooner. They could've avoided all of the heartache and betrayal if Kara had just gone with her original plan. She planned to tell Lena so many times, but the closest she got was after Jack died. Kara knew that Lena was hurting from having to kill Jack to save Supergirl. Kara was ready to sacrifice herself in that moment, but Lena had saved Supergirl, saved **her**. Maybe Lena felt the connection too; Kara was always infatuated with the way that Lena's soul was a mixture of chaos and art. She loved how Lena never tried to keep them apart and hide her true self. No matter what other people said, Lena always stood true to who she was: a **good** person.

That night, Kara got out her plaid picnic blanket and basket as she shoved Billy Belly Burger bags into the basket. She walked to the hill in a park not too far away from her apartment. She sat down and laid out all the food as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. Her finger hovered over Lena's name for a second before she pressed on the contact name and stared at the last text they sent each other.

_I wrote some words and then I stared at my feet_  
_Became a coward when I needed to speak_  
_I guess love took on a different kind of meaning for me_  
_So when I go just know it kills me to leave_

Kara looked down at the red heart emoji as an unconscious smile spread across her face. Kara's soft grin diminished slightly as the crinkle in her brow formed. She didn't plan on how she was going to tell Lena that she was Supergirl and possibly, no **definitely** , in love with her.

Suddenly, Kara's confidence evaporated as she squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the look of anguish on Lena’s face. What if Lena was still upset over Jack? It was too soon to unload this kind of information on her, right? Maybe she saved Kara, no Supergirl, under some sort of professional courtesy? It wasn't until she heard a crunch did Kara realize in her panic that she had crushed her phone too. She muttered a Kryptonian curse as she flung the plastic and metal remains of her phone into the empty picnic basket.

Kara tipped her head up to look at the stars in the sky as her heart painfully clenched in her chest. Looking at the stars was always bittersweet as it reminded her of her home on Krypton and her first moments with Jeremiah. Back on Krypton, she had learned about all Earth’s solar systems and stars that resided inside of it. When Kara was a frightened thirteen-year-old, the eldest Danvers would take her out to look at them. He taught her the names for the constellations and Kara didn't have the heart to tell him that she already knew them.

_To all the stars that light the road_  
_Don't ever leave that girl so cold_  
_Never let me down, just lead me home_

The plaid picnic blanket crumpled in Kara's tight grip as a few pained tears slipped past her eyes, blurring her glasses. She tilted her head back up to the sky and whispered a quick Kryptonian prayer, _"dear Rao, please watch over Lena and let the stars light her road in her life journey_."

_But there's beauty here that's yet to depart_  
_There's still a song inside the halls in the dark_  
_I'll come for you, if you just stay where you are_  
_And I'll always hold your hand in the car_

Kara was jarred into the present when she almost ran into a billboard. She swerved just in time to avoid hitting the LuthorCorp sign as she made a disgusted face at Lex's giant bald head in all its glory. She flew past the sign as she discretely slipped through the window of her apartment. Kara pulled her glasses out of the hidden pocket and pressed the button to de-materialize it back into her glasses before setting them on the nightstand. She changed out of her work clothes and into comfortable sweats and a t-shirt.

Padding to the kitchen, she opened the freezer to grab a tub of ice cream and headed to the couch. The tired hero plopped down on the couch as she held the tub close to her chest and looked down at it. She frowned as Lena's cold face that afternoon took over her mind. She hated seeing the detached look in the dark-haired woman's eyes. Kara hated that she was the one that put it there. Despite that, Kara did see the flash of a different emotion in Lena's eyes. It was only there for a brief second and if Lena was anyone else, Kara might have not noticed. But of course, it was **Lena** and Kara knew how to read her better than anyone else in her life. Kara was the paragon of hope after all and what's the paragon of hope if she didn't have any herself?

The blonde just had to let herself hope that the emotion she saw a flicker in Lena's eyes was what she thought it was. And if it was, then Kara would be waiting, always.

_And there'll be days when it's difficult_  
_But I ask you to never leave behind the reciprocal, we're past that_  
_Love is not designed for the cynical_  
_So we have that, we can have that_

Kara knew that she had given Lena time, a lot of it actually, but Lena still hasn't come to her yet. Kara bit her lip in thought as she wondered if maybe she had to go to Lena again, show the younger woman that she still cared and wanted to be in her life. Kara had to remind Lena that she could be loved, that Lena was worth loving. Lena deserved the world and Kara already gave it to her and would do it again and again.

_How long can you wait for the one you deserve?_  
_Light on, never let it out, never let it out_  
_If I'm gone, if you ever leave I hope that you learn_  
_To fight on, to fight on_

The Kryptonian's heart ached thinking of how Lena must have felt so alone during the events of the Crisis. Kara heard her signal watch going off, but she wasn't able to get to Lena and that thought kept her up most nights. The hero knew that even when Kara was gone Lena fought on.

_Don't tell me this is all for nothing_  
_I can only tell you one thing_  
_On the nights you feel outnumbered_  
_Baby, I'll be out there somewhere_  
_I see everything you can be_  
_I see the beauty that you can't see_  
_On the nights you feel outnumbered_  
_Baby, I’ll be out there somewhere_  
_(How long?) Baby, I’ll be out there somewhere, somewhere, somewhere_  
_(How long?) Baby, I’ll be out there somewhere, somewhere_

Kara knew that she would wait eons for Lena, but maybe the other woman needed a little push. Kara stood up abruptly as she put the untouched half-melted ice cream back into the freezer. She checked the clock and noticed that it was already one in the morning. How long had Kara been sitting on that couch? Knowing Lena though, she was probably still awake. Kara decided to call her instead just in case.

The blonde's heart hammered in her chest as she grabbed her phone and opened her phone app to the favorites list. She clicked on Lena's name as a picture of the young woman with a rare smile filled her screen. It was taken when they used to eat lunch together almost every day. Lena was looking at the skyline as the sun shone perfectly to highlight her sharp jawline and strong cheekbones. Kara almost forgot she was calling Lena when she suddenly heard the raspy voice she'd been missing so much.

"Hello?" Lena answered, her voice deep from misuse but awake, nonetheless.

"L-Lena," Kara sighed, releasing a breath at the fact that Lena even picked up.

"Is this an emergency?" Lena asked curtly after a few seconds of silence.

"No, well, yes, kind of, YES!" Kara yelled and winced a bit at the volume of her voice as she nodded vigorously even though Lena couldn't see her.

"Well, which one is it Supergirl?"

Kara grimaced at the harsh quality of her voice and the fact that Lena still won't call her Kara. Silence followed as Kara could hear Lena breathing through the phone speaker.

"Don't tell me this is all for nothing," Kara quickly whispered as she could almost hear Lena's confusion even though the other woman hadn't said anything yet.

"Wha-"

"Please, hear me out," Kara insisted as Lena fell silent once again, "there's one thing I've been wanting to tell you. Well actually, a lot of things but this one thing is really important. I'm not here to beg for your forgiveness because I know I've been doing that too much lately. Honestly, you were right; I don't deserve it. I just want you to know that when you're feeling outnumbered like the world is against you, I'll be out there somewhere. I'll always be here for you and that hasn't changed. I've seen my home planet die twice and I didn't think that I would see my new home die either but here we are. I've already lost you once Lena and I'm not planning on doing it ever again."

Kara continued before she would lose her courage, "I see how good you are Lena Luthor. How amazing you can be and how amazing you are. I see the beauty in you that others, maybe not even yourself, can see. Even if you don't feel the same way about me, I just want you to know on those hard nights when you feel outnumbered, I'll be out there somewhere. I'll always be there for you. I will fight for you, for us, because I love you Lena Kieran Luthor."

The blonde could hear Lena's heard racing with her super hearing and the dark-haired woman breathing unevenly through the phone.

"Kara," Lena breathed out, her voice cracking at the end of the reporter's name.

The hero couldn't help it as a quiet sob of relief escaped her lips. Lena hadn't called her that in **months**. While the road to rebuilding their relationship would be a rocky one, maybe this was a sign that they were going to be okay after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [ Tara Wood](https://twitter.com/wootar519) on Twitter for helping me proofread this! You're the best :)


End file.
